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6/10/11

Uncommon Cures for the Common Cold

I have had the cold for about 2 days now, and I am getting sick and tired of being sniffly and high on dayquil.  I am ready for this to end.

Dayquil/Nyquil isn't helping, it just supresses symptoms for a while, and makes me look like I just came from a Dave Matthews Band concert.  Seriously, my eyes are so red and watery, if I get pulled over in this town it'll be an instant ticket to cavity-searchville.

I have been looking online for homeopathic cures and remedies, and this is what I have found so far:

  • Honey - Recent studies have shown that honey is more effective for coughs than over-the-counter medicines
  • Put Listerine on a Q-Tip, and rub it inside your nose.  It is supposed to kill germs, and supresses your urge to sneeze.  (Tried it, and OH MY BALLS it burned!  But I didn't sneeze... for like 2 minutes...)
  • Herbs like Chamomile and Echinacea - Herbalists have recommended Chamomile and Echinacea to help fight infection. Some research indicates that Echinacea boosts the immune system by stimulating the production of white blood cells, while Chamomile soothes the stomach and calms nerves.
  • Garlic - Many people believe it can boost immune systems and help fight upper respiratory infections. Studies have also shown that garlic is most effective when eaten raw.
  • Milk (Specifically Vitamin D) - Recent studies suggest people with lower blood levels of vitamin D have more colds and cases of the flu.  Plus it builds strong bones!!
  • Zinc - You see zinc lozenges, zinc nasal sprays, and other zing products everywhere.  Another immunity booster.
  • Probiotics - Probiotics contain bacteria naturally occurring in the human gut. They not only keep you regular, but keep you healthy. Most commonly found in supplements or yogurt.
I had all of these ingredients laying around the house, and decided if they were good for you individually, they must work great when mixed together...

Oh yes I did...   I mixed yogurt, milk, herbs, garlic, zinc and honey into a blender.  Added some blueberries for taste, and *WHIRRRRRRR*

When finished, I got a little apprehensive.  I mean, it looked like a normal smoothie, and smelled like a normal smoothie, but I started thinking of all the ingredients I've hodge-podged together in there.  The only way it could be weirder is if I tossed in a halibut.

I bucked up, and decided to take a swig.  I've gone too far already, and wanted this cold DEAD.

And... I should have trusted my instinct.  It tasted like the murky fog from a port a potty.

It was thick, and had an aftertaste that could sober up any drunk in seconds.  Even after brushing my teeth and gargling with listerine, I could still taste it in the back of my throat, and whenever I burped.

Worst of all, it didn't help one bit.  I'm still as sniffly and hazy as ever.  But if I had to look on the bright side, it would be this post.  I mean, it made for a fun story, didn't it?  Plus I got to find this cool picture of a port a potty that looks like the TARDIS from Doctor Who.

(fun segue, I have been curled up on the couch with a box of tissues and Doctor Who on Netflix all evening)

When I started looking for pictures to go with this post, I found this little gem, and instantly heard "Vworp... vworp..." in my head.

Wouldn't you agree, Doctor?

What's that smell?
Is that your breath?
Bloody hell, what have you been eating?
...wait.... you what??
...bloody humans...

Please Share it! :)

36 witty retorts:

Mynx said...

oh a garlic smoothie...well at least you will keep the vampires away for a day or two

Jewels said...

I threw up a little bit in my mouth just thinking of you drinking that! Ugh! You were fine until you added the garlic and herbs I think. Maybe try a smoothie and a breakfast egg with the other herbs/garlic? I don't know but that is just terrifying.

I did, however, get a chuckle from the "murky fog from a port a potty." haha. Good luck and feel better soon.

Pickleope said...

Have you not tried voodoo? Voodoo works. But you'll have to catch your neighbors dog/cat first. The only good part about being home sick, The Price Is Right.

Dwija {House Unseen} said...

Halibut Smoothie! Now available at Jamba Juice and wherever overpriced fruit beverages are sold.

That's pretty gross, dude.

Someday I'll have to have my hubby share his "Concoction" with you. Knocks a cold dead!

The Angry Lurker said...

Your pee will smell of it aswell, that listerine in the nostril must have been an illness caused idea.

Zombie said...

Now that you mention it, I am starting to feel a little stuffy myself...

Random Girl said...

ewwww, just ewwww ok?? That is not a combination I would want to take a swig of that is for sure. Hope you are feeling better soon Idaho!

Lost.in.Idaho said...

The funny thing is I'm feeling a little better today. I don't know if it's just fading away, or if the smoothie helped.

Either way, woo. It doesn't mean I'll be making another sewage smoothie anytime soon...

Melanie said...

Cayenne pepper. Seriously. And whiskey.

Salted Plum said...

In Japan it is common to use long onions to cure a cold. You can drink them in a soup, or some old people burn them and put the burnt onions in their nose.

Shutterbug said...

It could be allergies! It is that time of year. Try taking some allergy medication.

Laughing Vault said...

thanks god i dont have allergies

Bart said...

u forgot about beer

Ally said...

you had me dyin' at "ticket to cavity-searchville" ha ha ha ha.

Honestly, time is the only remedy. Ride it out, take meds, drink tea, suck drops, sleep all seem to work for me.

Xenototh said...

I would have just opted for plenty of rest?

Autumnforest said...

Parsley tea 3 times a day. Clears mucus nicely.

A Beer for the Shower said...

"makes me look like I just came from a Dave Matthews Band concert"

They say when you get a cold, you lose your sense of taste. Case in point.

ed said...

honey is pretty good. i usually just wait it out

D4 said...

Ew, man. Ew. my face is all ewing and stuff.

theTsaritsa said...

I can't imagine milk being good for someone whose head is full of snot-- doesn't dairy create more phlegm?

I drink lots of hot tea when I'm sick, lots of water, and catch up on my television viewing. Hope you feel better!

The Empress said...

Take regular Musinex. It runs off the snot monster and you can pretty much take anything else you want with it including allergy medication. Feel better soon!

Nom de Plume said...

Homeopathy? lolno! :P

KrowOne said...

Garlic smoothie? God that'll stink your breath for a few days! It'll cure the cold though, thats for sure!

Leila said...

Of course putting them all together was a bad idea. First of all, your body responds differently to the chemical make up of a lot of these things, especially since you don't know if you're low on certain levels of zinc and different types of protein. And anything that you take to boost your immune system will take days to cure your cold. maybe it'll be faster than using medicine, but it won't heal you in an instant, so you can't make a judgment just after having drank it.

Oh_B_City said...

Oh I'll try honey for sure next time! You'd think the sweetness would make you cough more though...

MsNana_ said...

lmao offf.. you went through all that trouble lol...
just stick to honey and fresh lemon teal like every hour of the day. it works super well.
x

Kelly said...

Zinc is especially good for sore throats or from keep them to get to the point of being sore.

Lendo Khar said...

I have been feeling kind of sick today, and laughed while reading your post in my bed. What a brave man. I salute you Idaho

Skankin_Pete said...

If you can get mucinex that stuff will clear you right out after a day or two =)

Astronomy Pirate said...

Homeopathy is generally bullshit, but those cures you listed aren't that homeopathic. They are more or less home remedies. Really the best thing for a cold is a healthy diet and plenty of fluids and you'll get over it eventually. Though it sounds like you might have more then a normal cold after all these days...

Rob said...

I haven't been very sick in a while. I hope you get better soon :D

Neon said...

Hahaha, that was funny, but still, you should know better then to mix these kind of things together! :D

Lori Dyan said...

You were SOOO close! My MIL (mama Serb) was visiting and we were all sick. She cut up some raw garlic and double smoked bacon (not cooked up, but it's smoked so that's...kinda cooked?) into little cubes and made us eat it. Then she made us triple-up on sweaters, but on a toque (did I mention I'm Canadian) and scarf, and go to bed. The next day, our sickness was gone. Blam-oh!

Ben said...

Honey in hot tea is definitely my personal favorite!

Thank, Q said...

Is that the guy playing Doctor Who now? I was a Tom Baker fan and haven't watched it since the early 80's. Killer show back in the day. I'll have to try the Listerine up the nose thing some day. I can see how that could work.

On My Soapbox said...

I'm surprised you could even smell that shit (pun intended). When all else fails, heat up a little bit of Grand Marnier in a mug. Mmmmmm!

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