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Having a "Fuck Yeah" Kind of Day

I go out last night with the gf and her sister.  Gf gets tired at 10 (pffff) so sis and I keep tearing it up.  We bar hop, have a blast, and end the night laughing.

I get home.  Go to sleep tipsy.

Suddenly it's 9:30am and my phone is ringing.

...I'm up, I'm up...

Ow, my head...

"Brandon?  Hi, it's work.  We need your help on yaddayaddayadda..."

15 minute conversation, still half asleep, slightly hung over.  I rock the phone call, they love the ideas I pitched them, and thanked me for the great tips.

They hang up.

I finish rubbing the sleep from my eyes, and think:

...I can do this job in my sleep. to speak...

Note:  It's not like me to sleep in and start my day around 10-11, so work, if you end up reading this, it's not a regular thing... but I still fuckin rocked it, didn't I?  Didn't I???

So now I begin my day.  In a fucking awesome mood.  Because I'm the shit.

Now to keep the momentum going... let's go sell some shit.



Idaho Falls *cough* Premiere Nightclub: Bliss

Ok, try not to laugh too hard...

A new club opened in Idaho Falls this weekend, and my girlfriend and her gaggle of slutty friends (I use that term with love and respect) wanted to go.  I did too... partying with them is fun.  They wear the 'slut' title with pride, and they make me feel like Charlie hanging out with trashed, scantily-clad, mostly-bi-curious Angels...

The Club's name is Bliss.  Formerly the 840, formerly Chick's.  With a new name comes new paint, a new 'concept' and the same old tired songs.

But... but... this is NEW!!  It's now owned by someone new, so it must be better, right?  ...right???

I was expecting another half-assed 'production' with this new nightclub.  After reading the teasers on their website, this feeling grew...

From the official Bliss Website: (my smart-ass-ness in red)

Like Nothing You’ve Seen Before In Idaho Falls  (aka: Fresh Paint, velvet ropes and pleather seating!)

We are proud to be the premier nightclub in Eastern Idaho. Drawing inspiration from Vegas style clubs (AHAHAHAHAHA), we have taken out concept (we weren't thinking) and completely built an entirely new atmosphere for Idaho Falls to enjoy (we made the bar 'no smoking' which will piss off a lot of old regulars, but we're trying to be 'trendy...'). Bliss Nightclub will quickly become your second home and the favorite spot for you and all your friends to visit.

Enjoy A Relaxing Night of Luxury

Are you looking for a nice relaxing night out in style? Bliss Nightclub is the place! We offer top notch security so that if problems arise they are quickly taken care of by the professionals (wait, what?  read that again?). You no longer have to feel threatened in Idaho Falls (I'm not black, so I don't feel threatened...), just walk in to our nightclub and experience the difference! Come join us for the many live shows that will be periodically happening (bwaa?) and world famous club nights with the best sounds system (I guess this is ok... there is more than one sound coming out of the system, so 'sounds' system is technically acceptable...) in Idaho Falls and guest DJs who will blow your mind!  (and...and...and...)

So, it's um, like Vegas, right?

Hokay... I'd believe that.

But one slight issue.  I've been to Vegas.  If I was raised in Eastern Idaho and this is all I've known, I might buy it... but anyone who has traveled, even to SALT LAKE knows this club is still lame.

First off were the swarms of guidos.  The dance floor is small enough as it is.  When three guidos try to command the entire area with their sorry "look at me, I can pop AND lock!" moves, it gets old fast.

Speaking of old... it seemed like the 45+ crowd was out in full force.  Not that it's a bad thing, but when the music being played is Deadmau5 and Pitbull, they seem a little out of place.  But hey, to each their own...

I liked the new paint, I liked the 'dress code' for the female waitstaff (corsets and short skirts).  But I didn't like the cheezy VIP sections that were scattered across the club (most of them stayed empty hours into the night) or the fact they put large posters on the restrooms.  The men's room had a poster of a sexy woman, and the ladies room had a picture of a sharp dressed man.  The more you drank, the more confusing this became.  I was using the restroom when a girl walked into the guy's room.  She looked at me, looked down, looked at me, and said "are you in the right one?"  I pointed to the urinal... "oh..."

Trying too hard?  Congratulations, Bliss.  You've taken that phrase to an entire new level...  and it's only opening weekend...

We arrived around 10, were gone by 11:30, and went to another local bar called DB's.  It's not as 'hip' as Bliss, and the tunes are even more stale, but it's a guido free zone, and had a more relaxed air.  Sorry Bliss, you couldn't even keep our attention until your lame 1am closing time.

Oh, and if you're reading this, check out The Hip Kitty.  Check out The Balcony.  Check out Sing Sing.  CHECK OUT SOME ACTUAL VEGAS CLUBS and do better.

UPDATE:  They're trying to throw 'The Best New Year's Eve Party in Idaho' this coming NYE.  I may go, just to see if they live up to the hype.  Then again, the best in Idaho... is that really saying much?


Mormons are One Thing, But Jehovah's Witnesses???

I was visited the other day by a group of Jehovah's Witnesses.

Wait, visited isn't the right word....

I was aurally molested the other day by a group of Jehovah's Witnesses.

Since moving to Idaho, I have been immersed in LDS culture.  I have a few Mormon friends, and know a lot of crazy Mormon kooks (these are the ones I blog about...).  This town, from time to time, feels like it's ran by the LDS church.

But at the same time, if you tell them to back off, they will.  Jehovah's Witnesses, however, do not.

You see, the JW's believe there is no hell.  They believe in destruction for the wicked, not eternal damnation.  Therefore, they need to save your soul, lest you be destroyed.  And they have no problem telling you this...

Wearing your heart on your sleeve is one thing.  Shoving said sleeve down a person's throat is a bit much.  Maybe they should only have teens go door to door like the Mormons do?  You never see a teen foaming at the mouth about how "your heathenistic ways are a festering wound on God's love for you," do you?

The thing is, I was a JW for a short time in my youth.  My mom wanted to find religion, and was looking for a good "quick fix" church to belong to.  She was visited by the JW's one morning, drank their kool-aid, and all of a sudden mom proclaimed "That's it, we're Jehovah's Witnesses now.  Praise God..."

My brother and I were both under 10, so we did what mommy said.  Dad didn't want any part of it, so the three of us went to church, bible study, etc.

Months later, in mid October, we found out something chilling:  They don't let you celebrate Halloween...  I was pissed.

Later on, we found out you're not allowed to celebrate Christmas either.  They shun on sinful holidays like that, for some reason (pagan hoo-doo, or something...).  Mom let us mail letters to Santa anyway, and tried to hide it from the church.  However, one JW neighbor decided to read our outgoing mail, and showed up with Santa letters in hand, yelling and screaming at mom about how she was sending us into oblivion....

Needless to say, that didn't last long.  Don't fuck with a kid's Christmas.  The end.

So yeah, Mormons are kooky.  But Jehovah's Witnesses?  They freak me the fuck out.  They're just so.... intense...

Is it wrong to consider having a can of mace doorside, just in case they show up again??


Beer-Thirty, Anyone?

I feel like a Beer Hipster right now...

My favorite brew?  You've probably never heard of it...

During my quick trip to California, I made sure to pick up a couple cases of my favorite beer.  It is called Red Trolley Ale, and is made by Karl Strauss Brewing.  They are a San Diego-based brewer that have a good handful of amazing beers.

Red Trolley, by far, is my favorite.  Woodie Gold is amazing, but RTA takes the cake.  (and goes well with cake, I might add...)

Sadly, they do not distribute into Idaho just yet.  But when they do, I'll be one happy guy.  Until then, I'll just have to load up whenever I go down to California to see my boys.

Oh, and if you're reading this, O Fine Brewers at Karl Strauss, hook a brother up.  I miss your beer, and once in a blue moon isn't nearly enough...  email me at if you know of a way for me to enjoy this brew more often... *cough*

Last Day to Join!

I'm still looking to get a Blogger's Fantasy Football league going.  I have 2 people signed up so far, and need a minimum of 4 to form the league.  If we can get a full league (16) going, I'll design and award a trophy for the winner.

Something like this, but more Idaho-ish

Interested?  Click here.  Let's get this going.  It's 100% for fun, and free to enter.

Draft starts tomorrow (Sunday) at 10am Pacific, 1pm Eastern.  The same time normal football would start on a given Sunday.

Go go football!


Screw this. Game on. Challenge Accepted.

I'm done.  I'm fed up.

This has been something that has bothered me for years, and now I'm finally going to stop half-assing and do something about it.

I'm losing the weight.

This job rules in a lot of ways, but living on the road means more fast food than I like, and more time on my ass in a car.

I'm not burning calories, and I'm ingesting way more than usual.  I have gained about 12lb since starting this job.

So now I say to you, and to the world:  Fuck naw.  I'm done.  I'm going to find a way to eat healthier, exercise on the road, and get to my ideal weight.

Starting today.  Which is tough, because it's breakfast time and I'm hungry.

Minimal fast food.  Staying in hotel rooms with fridges and microwaves, so I can at least buy food at a grocery store and 'cook' it.  Ordering from the 'healthy' menu when I hit drive-thrus.

And most importantly (and hardest of all...) no more soda or rockstars.  It's water only for me.

Now the trick is to find a way to exercise in hotel rooms.  Some have fitness centers, but not all.  Pushups, crunches and yoga will be easy to do in my room.  Maybe I'll take a morning jog before I start my day.  Maybe I'll invest in water weights that travel easy.

All I know is I'm SICK AND FUCKING TIRED of being larger than I'd like.  The first step is to stop growing.  The next step is shrinkage.

I'm putting this out there for the world to see.  Maybe this will keep me on track.  By late January, when I turn 31, I will reach my goal weight of 200lb.   Because I'm in a Billings hotel, it's hard to say what I'm at now.  Probably between 235 and 250, so I have a decent way to go.

But I'm going to do it, dammit.  Fuck this.  Fuck being fat.

It's on.


Dear Idaho - You Win. My Infatuation With California Is Dwindling...

After another weekend in California, I'm ready to reveal something shocking.

I have lived there all my life.  At least for the first 29.7 years of my life.

I have been back twice since moving to Idaho... I can honestly say:  California, I think I'm done with you.

Granted, my boys live in California, and it doesn't get any better than a day at the beach.  But the pro's are slim, and the con's are starting to become more apparent:

  • The smog.  I drove into Cali and saw a thick, soupy haze.  I sent a Facebook message to my friends asking what was up...

I'm not used to smog anymore, which is an odd thing to say to me.  I have traveled to Montana, Idaho, Washington and more, and enjoy seeing the mountains, the trees, the sky.  Californians, you're missing out on some amazing sights.

My lungs aren't used to it anymore either.  I forgot the slightly burning smell in your nose when you breathe in deeply.  I forgot the way your eyes dry out faster thanks to the poor air quality.

Granted, I was in the Inland Empire.  Just east of LA, all the smog settles in this little valley.  I wish I was in a position to have the boys move up to Idaho with me (or convince my ex to move) so they didn't have to breathe this air in...
  • The traffic.  I have grown accustomed to going 45 miles in 45 minutes.  When returning to baby-mama's house from Knott's, we ended up in traffic.  The 30 mile drive took over an hour, and resulted in a freaked out mom.  My phone was dying so I put it on the charger.  I missed her texts, so it freaked her out.   But if it wasn't for the traffic (or the no texting/phones while driving) I would have been back in time to keep her from getting paranoid.
  • The people.  Idahoans are rude, but in a different way.  They don't like outsiders.  The people in California that I had the *cough* pleasure dealing with didn't like anyone.  You are a nuisance.  You are in their way.  You are an inconvenience.  You need to go.
Don't get me wrong, Idaho isn't perfect.  I still have a lot to blog about, because this is an odd odd state.  But now, if I relocate again, I'm not sure if I'll be going back to California.

Which, after only 10 months, is still kind of shocking to me...


The Brostache Revisited

Remember my post last week about the Brostache app from Geico?

Well, it was a huge hit with my boys when I came down to visit.

Bonus points, they look just as good as their daddy does when rockin the handlebar stache...

Clothes may make the man, but the mustache definitely makes the bro.


Problem, Heathens?

Found at an IHOP in Orem, Utah:

So, can this be considered a form of religious discrimination, or can this be compared to "Ladies Night" at a local bar?

And is it worth it to put on a white dress shirt and black tie to get a free Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity?  Because I'm considering it...

Problem, non-believers?


Knott's Berry Farm: Fun, Frenetic, and Almost Fatal

I spent the weekend with my boys, having a great weekend.  But, at one point, we almost died.

This patch of tire to the right... it almost killed us...

We were driving on the freeway and it was scooped up under our car.  A motorcyclist noticed it dragging under the bottom of the car, and motioned for us to pull over.

I thought we passed over it, but I guess not.  Instead, it was sparking underneath our rental car, and starting to smoke.

If it caught fire... well... FWOOSH.

After that little scare (and some lunch) we finally made it to Knott's.  It was time for rides.

A little history, my oldest (love him) is a chicken when it comes to rides.  He, at a point, was afraid of bouncy castles.  My youngest, however, is a daredevil and wanted to go on all the roller coasters.

My ex warned me not to be surprised if Oldest only went on one, maybe two rides.  Well, he surprised me and TORE UP Camp Snoopy.  He went on nearly all the rides.

Why?  Daddy.

"Come with me, daddy.  I feel safe when I'm with you."  As long as I held his hand, he was secure.  Even the gf was able to calm his nerves.  Before, he was always indifferent to my gf.  Now, he adores her.

Oh, and he pimped his way up and down the midway (as mentioned in an earlier post).

I quickly learned during the trip not to put limits on him.  Don't tell him "you won't be scared" and he doesn't have the notion of being scared.  He went on every ride we suggested, and was about to go on the River Rapids when we ran out of time.  (we had a 6pm curfew, much to my chagrin)

Oldest pushed the envelope, but Youngest was still not impressed.  He wanted roller coasters.  He wanted adventure.  He wanted to go really high and really fast.  Camp Snoopy wasn't cutting it.

Maybe next time, when we have more time.  I really look forward to seeing how far he is willing to go.

Overall it was a great trip.  We spent Saturday at Knott's, and Sunday at the park for a few hours.  We played in the sand and in the water, until the Youngest took spill after spill.

Daredevil, yes.  But with risk comes a fall or two from time to time.  He eventually wanted to just go home and play in the back yard, so we all hugged and kissed and said goodbye.

I guess that's why Oldest likes to stay close to the ground.  I mean, rides are fun, but no reason to go crazy, right??


Sunday Silliness: My Son the Midway Rockstar

My oldest son is the king of carnival midway games.

He wanted to play one, but wasn't sure which one he wanted to play.  After much decision, he chose a 'rubber duck' game where you had to choose a winning duck.  Choose the right one, win a prize.

He won.

He got his prize.

And he charmed the game operator into getting a second prize, without playing again.

He walked away with two stuffed bears.  One for him, one for his little brother.

Isn't he awesome?

More on the trip tomorrow.  :D


Fun in the Sun: The Lagoon Amusement Park (but wait, it gets better...)

I spent the week in Salt Lake for work, and am going down to California to visit my boys for the weekend.  It means 6 days in hotel rooms, but it's a fun adventure.

My gf is coming down to Cali with me, and joined me in Salt Lake Friday.  We decided to go to Utah's 125 year old Amusement Park, The Lagoon.

The Lagoon was a fun trip, but not for the conventional "Disneyland-esque" ways.  For example, Lagoon has rollercoasters, and Disneyland does not.

In fact, one of Lagoon's rollercoasters is called... wait for it... Roller Coaster.

Built in 1921, this wooden monstrosity is older than my Grandparents, and felt like it.  The ride was rickety, the wood looked ancient, and the ride's decorations were all "old-timey."  No loops or major twists, but the scary part of the roller coaster was its age.

There were other roller coasters, as well as a good handful of water rides.  Within hours, we were soaked and smiling.

Some of the other attractions at Lagoon were the people.  It was almost more fun to people-watch than to ride the rides.

Mormons were everywhere and easy to spot.  Even with a water park, you'd see 'modest' girls wearing a tanktop with a t-shirt underneath.  Men had polos on, side-parted hair, and perfect posture.

If they were exiting from a coaster screaming "Gosh that was a scary ride!" you knew what you were dealing with.

Another thing that bothered me were all the young girls aged 8-14 dressing as skimpy as possible.  My generation, the slutty tweens went to the mall.  In 21st century Utah they go to the Lagoon.  The picture on the left doesn't do it justice but will give you the gist.

Imagine 11-12 year old girls wearing tight skimpty booty shorts, a cutoff button-down tshirt, with the middle as open as possible.  There was a pair walking around with bling-ish "Babydoll" necklaces and showing as much skin as possible.  One had on a polkadot bikini top that at least covered her boobs up.  The other (poor thing hadn't 'blossomed' yet...) had on ahalf-sheer bikini top.

My gf wanted to know what their necklaces said, so I tried to peek while being sly.  They were hard to read, but I eventually got "Babydoll" from the cheap rhinestones.  The bad part was I also inadvertently saw preteen nipple because of the sheer bikini top.

I still feel dirty.  I've showered 3 times and my skin is raw.... WHY CAN'T I GET CLEAN???

Overall it was a fun trip, but I'm looking more forward to hanging with my boys this weekend.  Maybe I'll take them to Knott's Berry Farm, and show them a REAL amusement park???


Childish Humor Time - Yo Mama Edition

I'm in Salt Lake this week on business, and saw this business as I was driving around...

If you can't read the lettering, the business is called "Nacho Mama's Place."  Sadly they were out of business, but it made me remember an idea I had, long long ago...

I wanted to open up a 50's style Diner.  And call it "Your Mom's."


Think about it.  You're at work, and it's lunchtime.  You turn to a coworker and say "I'm going to head over to Your Mom's for lunch.  Do you want me to pick you up anything?"

Or you get home late and get asked where you have been... your response?  Your Mom's....

Childish, yes.  But brilliant marketing.  Or maybe not, since Nacho Mama's didn't survive...


Business Tips: Be ready to sell

I am a salesman.  But more than that, I like to think of myself as a business builder.

I help independent business compete with big box chains on a daily basis.

To some, I show this video.  Some get it, some don't.

Do you?

How do YOU feel about shoddy customer service?

My First Vlog - Geico and the Brostache

go to and get yours!


Mexican Food, Wisconsin and the Macarena (aaah-ight!)

Last week's work schedule included four 14-hour days in a row and over 1,300 miles on the road.  After so much, I wanted to spend time with my wonderful girlfriend.

We decided to go out to Garcia's Mexican Restaurant and enjoy the best Mexican food Eastern Idaho has to offer.


We ordered drinks and our dinner from the most annoying baby-talking waitress on Earth, and settled into our chairs for nice conversation and footsie.

The waitress we were blessed with had an odd Wisconsin-ish accent.  The accent combined with the baby-talk made for an interesting time.

Mexican restaurant.

Eastern Idaho.

Ittle Wittle Waitress fwom Wisconsin.


When we finally became tired of poking fun, we decided to eat.

That's when I heard it....

Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena

Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria y cosa buena

Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena
Heeey Macarena!  (aaaaah-iiight!)

It wasn't obvious since it was a horrible cover band instead of the horrible original duo, but the lyrics and the beat were basically the same.

This is supposed to be the nicest sit-down Mexican joint in town, and everything about it was more or less a joke, except for the food.  The food is amazing, but I think getting it 'to-go' would be a wise choice next time.

On the bright side, it made for a refreshing night.  This circus of a restaurant helped wash away the workweek like an extreme palate-cleanser on crack. I don't think I'll be going back anytime soon, but I appreciated the gesture nonetheless.

My question to you is:  How in the hell do you rate this kind of night?  Annoying yet oddly entertaining?  Can you give a restaurant 4 stars in a review, but note that 2 of them were given ironically?


Bon'd? Screw that. I've been Gherk'd.

Look at me!

I'm a pickle!

A fucking pickle!


Isn't that cool?!?

Last week my blogging bro Pickleope decided to take my insipid little blog and draw inspiration from it.  The result was not one but two illustrations of yours truly as a pickleope, dealing with Idaho in a way only pickles can do.

With booze.  And a fez.

Oh, and if that isn't awesome enough, the same post also featured Rasputin.  I don't think he and I have ever shared the same spotlight, but I'm hoping the destroyer of Russian sovereignty and I can hang more often.

Why?  Chicks dig Rasputin.  It's the beard.  He's the ultimate wing-man.

If you're not following this precarious pickle, you really need to.  His wit has been brined to perfection. His humor is crispy and tart.  He can rock a fez better than most Shriners.   He is fantastic.

And he has good taste in alcohol.  I'm holding some scotch in one picture, and a snifter of cognac in the other.  No shotgunning a Pabst Blue Ribbon for this bloke!

(unless it's redneck party time)

This makes two artists who have taken my blog and made it into art.  Recently BoN'd A Beer for the Shower turned me into a missionary pimping the book of Idaho in June.  If this becomes a continuous thing, I may have to start finding a way to get these posterized and on my walls...

So... people... how do I look as a bumpy green dick with horns?  I like... you like??


Welcome to the White Trash Party

After a very stressful week, I needed to relax.  What better way than to go out with friends, drink way too much, and make some bad decisions?

Let the night of a thousand jello shots begin.

The gf and I went to a friend's house, and consumed our weight in alcohol.  When we were done with the in-house fun, bar-hopping sounded interesting.

I should tell you about the bars in Idaho...

...jazz and martinis they're not...

In fact, the best way to describe them would be with a song that was often-played in said bars.

I present to you, WTP by Eminem.

Yes, it truly is a White Trash Party at these bars.

Tank tops and cargo shorts are the normal dress there.  The DJ was a dude with headphones, pretty much playing off an iTunes setlist.  No mixing, no fades, no originality.  Just club mixes and bad songs.

And in the bar, maybe 4 cute women.  5, tops.  The rest of them were, well, WTP-worthy.  Missing teeth, love handles, I was surprised I didn't see anyone with 6 fingers...

But the girls still had fun.  Being the only guy in the group, I was sammiched a lot and had the two hottest girls on my arms.  Guys didn't like me.

Sadly, Idaho bars close at 1am.  Way too early, if you ask me.  It was a great night, but definitely not one of the upscale clubs you see in major metropolitan areas.

Oh well.  Booze is booze.  And there was a lot of it.  Woo!

I guess there's nothing wrong with a little WTP now and then...


Idaho Radio: Singing About Sex Is Forbidden... But Cocaine is OK!

There are two radio stations I listen to in town.  One is a top 40 station, and the other is a Generation X "no DJ" station.

Both are heavily censored.  When Bruno Mars is talking about having a girl over and having "some really nice sex" they delete it out.  When Katy Perry gets hammered and talked about streaking and threesomes, it gets censored out.  You like Buckcherry?  They won't play Crazy Bitch, but Lit Up is ok...  Here's the song:

Sublime can Smoke Two Joints, but Lady Gaga can't take a ride on a disco stick?

Why is drug use allowed in Idaho, but sex is taboo?

In honor of that wonderful double standard, I present these fun cocaine memes for your enjoyment.

a original

this explains SO much, Alice...

If this were my cat, it would explain so much...


So you blog to make money, eh?

If so, you have probably heard of (or used) Google's Adsense Program.

Well, there are good and bad experiences with it, if you ask the blogging masses...

If you're new to the whole "I'm gonna use ADSENSE and blog to make MILLIONS!  YAAAY!" I have news for you.  If you don't do your homework, you're not going to make any money.

And if you are too good, and make too much too soon, google will END YOU, like they did me (more on that below).

Here is an awesome infographic I found from Wordstream:

If you're going to do it, do it right.  Optimize your site for maximum search traffic.  Advertise on blogs (like mine) to gain more viewers and followers.  And if you're blogging purely for the money, pick a topic that will yield a high cost-per-click (see above graphic).  Use social media to your advantage (remember my Stumbleupon post??  Yeah, like that) and keep growing as much as you can.

If you blog about everything, your ads are going to be about everything.  Google has tools that let you focus your ad material on more relevant topics, but be careful:  If they think you're playing their system, they can shut you off without notice.

I started blogging in January.  By the end of February, I had enough traffic to net me $10-20 a day via adsense.  About 1.5% of my viewers were clicking ads, and I was making roughly $0.78 per click.  It added up, and my first check from Google was almost $200.  They eventually cut me off (without reason, just "we decided to end your account") but it was fun while it lasted.

Most other advertising sites don't have the same monetary yield as google, so focus on adsense if you can.  Blogher's ads look like they may be decent, but I'm not going to go down that pathway again.  (and I hear Blogher is very VERY picky about who they let in...)

For those of you with adsense success stories, feel free to share them by commenting below.  I'm sure newer people to the game would appreciate it...

...oh, and have I mentioned you can advertise on my blog?  You know, just in case I hadn't already...


Without Further Adieu...

I'm not a grammar nazi, but I CAN'T STAND when people misuse words.  Granted, I overuse and often-abuse the comma, and am guilty of a few run-on sentences, but that's besides the point.

(did you catch that?)

Here are the most misused words/phrases I encounter when reading blogs or living my life:

Regardless vs Irregardless:  Regardless means just that.  Without regard.  When used in a sentence:  "I'm going to eat that Double Double, regardless of the saturated fat content."  The prefix ir- is a negative prefix. Adding it to regardless is making a double negative, so if you're going to use it, use it ironically and let the double negatives flow.

Without further ado vs adieu:   The definition of 'ado' is fluff / hubbub / crap.  Shakespeare's "Much ado about nothing" could easily be rewritten as "A lot of crap about nothing" and it would still have the same feel.  Oh wait, they redid that in the 90's and made Seinfeld.  My bad.  'Adieu' means goodbye.  Does "without further goodbye" make any sense?  I think not.

Compliment vs Complement:  A compliment is something nice someone says about you, like "your ass looks smokin in those jeans."  A complement is something that supplements something else.  Peanut butter complements jelly nicely, but not bacon.

Criteria:  The singular form of criteria is criterion.  If you only have one criteria, you probably say octopuses as well (oh, and spellcheck didn't catch that one... hmm...)

Ensure vs Insure:  One is a drink for old people, and a guarantee of sorts.  Another is so easy a caveman can do it.  Can you tell which is which?

Easy ones like to/too/two and they're/there/their still happen all too commonly.  These mistakes not only happen in blogs, but in major print.  When I'm reading USA Today or even the local paper, I want to go into a rage-fit when I see these mistakes.

Who vs Whom is one of my favorites, and a hard fight to fight.  Ask not for whom the bell tolls.  It tolls for thee.  If you're writing about an object (the bell that tolls) you use whom.  If you're writing about a subject, like The Lone Ranger, you would say "Who was that masked man?"  Get it?  No?  Ugh...

Ok, so maybe I am a little of a grammar nazi.  I'm not perfect by any means, but I paid enough attention in class not to do the blatant.

I bet my composition teacher would smile if she had the chance to read my blog.  I'd probably get a solid B or B+.  I fragment a lot, and type the way I talk, but still do an overall good job.

What grammar mistakes do YOU see often?  Feel free to sound off and comment below...

...and feel free to point out any errors I made in this post...


White People! Yaaaaay!!

I grew up in Southern California.  Diversity was a way of life down there.  You were surrounded by multiple cultures and philosophies.  I remember taking field trips in school to Olvera Street and learning so much about culture.

I like diversity.  It's so much easier to quell racism and stereotypical judgements when you're surrounded by a variety of people.  The more you know, etc etc.

Well, that's hard to do in Idaho Falls.


Recent Census data shows this ethnic breakdown for the greater Idaho Falls Area (provided by the ever-hilarious wikipedia):

  • 92.09% White
  • 0.62% African American
  • 0.76% Native American
  • 1.05% Asian
  • 7.18% Hispanic/Latino
  • 3.81% Other Race
  • 1.61% two or more races
(Nevermind this doesn't add up to 100%.  Idaho mathematics, y'all....)

But yeah.  Whitey rules up here.  One man (with a 'Dr.' in front of his name) asked someone close to me if racism still exists.  Well, it's hard to say, when everyone has the same skin color, and everyone working for you is white...  *cough*

Diverse, this place is not.

But fret not!  There is still a way to profit from this monochromatic town.  Simply market to the demographic!

If you haven't read this book, or been to their website, you need to.  It doesn't matter the color of your skin, you will laugh at this book.

With topics like "Ugly Sweater Parties" and "Black Music that Black People Don't Listen To Anymore" you know you have a winner.  Plus you get to talk about Miles Davis and Eazy E!

Ideally, I'd love to be back in a more diverse town.  Going back to my post about Boise, they're listed as 96.1% white.  Maybe Idaho Falls is the 'melting pot' of Idaho?  If so, try not to laugh too hard.

What about your town?  I'd love to see if there are other parts of the world that are as cracker-fied as Idaho...


Classless (yet funny) Politicians

TMZ has recently reported Arnold Schwarzenegger was wearing a t-shirt that said "I Survived Maria," poking fun at his divorce from long-time wife Maria Shriver.

Arnie, it's bad enough you cheated on her with an ugly-ass housekeeper.  Now this?

This... this is classless.

Yet, I'm laughing...


Why do you think that is?

Oh yeah, I'm me.

This is just about as bad as Bill Clinton on the cover of Cigar Aficionado, or selling a line of stogie dildos.


...yet hilarious...

I don't mean to make fun of infidelity or divorce, but my dark sense of humor is getting the best of me.  If anything, I need to respect the cojones on Arnie here.  I didn't exactly run out and get a 'fuck you' equivalent when I got divorced...

So Mr Governator, I say this to you.  Congrats on your freedom.  Keep your shit private.  And if you're going to hop into bed with another woman, at least make sure she's cuter than your ex.  That should be a given.

...and to keep with my 'Bill Clinton is a Pimp' theme, I present to you this picture: