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3/14/12

Hot Dogs Cause BUTT CANCER (among other things)

I was aghast (and amused) when I read a recent news article about hot dogs and butt cancer.

You see, PCRM is mentioning a study where processed meats can increase colorectal cancer risk.  However, putting BUTT CANCER in big bold letters on a Chicago billboard is much more fun.

My favorite paragraph of the article says "Janet Riley, president of the hot dog council (ha!!) said in a statement that hot dogs are 'part of a healthy, balanced diet.'...."

First off, a hot dog council sounds epic.  Secondly, part of a healthy, balanced diet?  Could you imagine hot dog commercials using that as a tag line?  I know cereal companies do, but hot dogs?!?  SOMEONE NEEDS TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN.

Depending on which side you are on, this is either showing people the truth about processed meats, or this is just propaganda from a PETA-esque company.  Either or, it makes for some good humor.

Besides butt cancer, hot dogs are also known to:

Turn Men On (when used properly)

Turn Men Off (when used improperly)

Bring your mind into the gutter...

Cost you a run for the US Presidency...

Create internet lol's galore...

And, every now and then, just look kind of gay.
(See?  Even Michelle is confused by Barack's... um... enthusiasm.)
So yes, hot dogs are extremely versatile, cause butt cancer, are a part of a complete and balanced diet, and WILL DRIVE YOU INSANE.


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27 witty retorts:

meandmythinkingcap said...

hahaha. Funny hilarious post. I loved the Michelle Bachmann's photo. Her photos are much more interesting than anyone else.
And Michelle Obama, she is campaigning for childhood obesity but the way Barack is horking down the hotdog in that picture.
Next time she goes to any school, I am holding that picture in the placard.

Workingdan said...

I'm not sure if I like hotdogs anymore now! If they are to cause cancer of the butt I'm kinda worried for my kids...that's all they will eat!

Karen said...

Butt cancer huh? Somehow I don't see us having a billboard down here in the south that says in big bold letters "butt cancer". In some of those backwoods areas, might give some of those Deliverance guys the wrong idea....
But I digress.

Zombie said...

Cancer and makes me look gay while eating hot dogs? Who cares, they so good... :D

Bozo said...

Oh such beautiful and telling pictures! I never realized how very horny hotdogs are - one good reason to not be a vegetarian!

(Although, I'm completely overlooking the original theme of this post, of hodogs causing butt cancer.)

Bozo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Michael said...

"butt cancer" alone had me cracking up. If hot dogs were part of a well balanced diet I wouldn't have been a chubby 10 year old. Oh wait..key word being well balanced.

Pickleope said...

The hot dog council may have a steeper hill to climb than the tobacco lobbyists if their position is that hot dogs are healthy.
Was this all a excuse for visual puns? If so, bravo.

Brandon Lostinidaho said...

The post started as a pointing out of the 'Butt Cancer' article, and I was going to rant about scare tactics being overused.

But then, I thought of all the weiner jokes I could do, and I took the low road.

Meanwhile, as I was writing this post, a PSA on Colorectal Cancer came on the TV. The theme was "No buts about it, go get checked out." Every time someone said "But...." I was laughing my ass off.

Smart Ass Sara said...

I once saw a video in 9th grade science class on how hot dogs are made. Obviously, school lunch was hotdogs and lunch was right before science. Quickest way to make 18 kids throw up.

Just Keepin It Real, Folks! said...

Damn, I wonder why my colorectal surgeon told me I had one of the healthiest colons he had ever seen given the fact that I chow down on fat free hot dogs with mustard, chili and slaw about once a week? Guess I better sign up for another scope up the butt.

the Tsaritsa said...

That corndog didn't make Bachman lose her chance to run, her batshit insanity did :) But the photo is still amazingly hilarious, the face she's making. The Santorum one's even better... http://www.funnyordie.com/slideshows/ace3d78776/pictures-of-political-figures-shoving-phallic-foods-into-their-mouths#slide4

Jira said...

When will the hotdog be left alone!! Poor thing... always harassed and made to feel guilty… now it’s a cause of butt cancer. What’s next? Hair loss? Fingernail fungus? ;)

Wily Guy said...

well, if cigarettes are still here, I imagine hot dogs are safe.

WG
http://itsmynd.com

AccordingtoJewels said...

butt cancer...that is ridiculous to be on a billboard. Ridiculous but awesome. I've never been more stoked to not eat hot dogs! I'll find other erotic & phallic looking foods to enjoy, thank you very much.

Vinny C said...

The moral: Feed your kids hot dogs while they watch that godawful Disney video so you can destroy their minds as well as their bodies

Lady Estrogen said...

Hot dog, hot dog, hot dignity dog!
I guess it's also like when they claim Nutella is part of a balanced diet. YESSSSS. RRRRIGHT.

Hey Monkey Butt said...

BEST BILLBOARD EVER!

Ellen Lloyd said...

My favourite use for hot dogs?

OCTOPUSES.

Take an uncooked hot-dog and carefully cut the lower half, lengthwise, into eighths.
(It should look like a giant awkward paintbrush.)

When you cook it, it turns into an octopus. Magic! :D

Bart said...

not a fan of all these windows opening up. but 2 girls 1 hotdog, looks good. im okay with this

On My Soapbox said...

I'm really glad you explained this billboard, because I was sure it was one of those anti-gay threats from the Mormons....

G said...

everything seems to cause cancer these days...

Shutterbug said...

I don't think people care that hot dogs cause cancer. People will continue to eat them.

Kristiina said...

I've never seen that billboard but I love it. All of these images are pretty amazing. Thanks for the laugh.

Ado said...

This was hilarious! I loved the billboard. I myself have been known to sneak into the kitchen and eat a raw hot dog dipped into a jar of mayo. Totally disgusting and I'm sure one day a colorectal surgeon will have a talk with me about this.
Thanks for linking up with us today - this post is hilarious. I am going to think of it every time I eat a hot dog...also the photos were great!

Alison@Mama Wants This said...

I will never look at a hotdog the same way again.

Hell, I'm not even sure I want to eat one ever.

DeKnight said...

Looks as if Michele Bachmann was doing something inappropriate to someone other than her husband...I'll never look at hot dogs the same way again, now that I've heard of "butt cancer"...

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