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3/7/12

Why I Refuse to Drink at Company Functions

I'm in Washington right now, at my quarterly sales meetings for work.  I fly in, we strategize and meet with vendors for 3 days, and we are treated to nice dinners on two nights.  The dinners are hosted by certain VIP vendors, and usually involve expensive steak houses and open bars.

And, thanks to a lesson I learned in 2003, I don't drink a drop of alcohol at these events.

I have been in the pet industry for 10 years.  There is an event called SuperZoo, which is the mecca for the western US.  My first SuperZoo ever, I got trashed.  And I'm talking BAD.

Night 1 was ok.  I had about 3-4 drinks over the course of the evening, and it wasn't a big deal.  Night 2 is when all hell broke loose.  My company was at a dinner, hosted by our #2 manufacturer.  At social hour, I had 2 jack and cokes.  With dinner, the VP of the mfr ordered $600 bottles of wine, so I felt obligated to try it (no regrets there, it was orgasmic).  After the meal, the Junior VP starts ordering shots of Patron Silver for the table.

3....  4.... 5.... 6.... people started getting wasted....

Then, one of the waiters brought out the most exquisite bottle of booze I've ever seen.  By that time, Jr VP and I were best buds, and he slurs to me,

"Dude, this is Louis the XIII.  The BEST cognac you've never had.  One bottle runs for $1,500..."

And then the glasses are poured.  It was heavenly (from what I remember).

Over the course of a 4 hour dinner (a $100 steak, no less) I had at least 11-12 drinks in me.  And I wasn't alone.  Over half of us stammered out of that restaurant and into cabs.

I was blitzed, but I have this "sheep herder" mentality, so I made sure all the females got into their cabs ok, and got to their rooms without passing out or anything.  Once I got into my own room, however, the vertigo kicked in.


....I don't remember much else....
Please Share it! :)

21 witty retorts:

Tony Van Helsing said...

you were probably too wasted to fully appreciate the quality of $1500 cognac.

Michael said...

That doesn't mean you *can't* drink at a work function. It just means you should stop after X amount of drinks no matter what it is and possibly say no to shots in general.

Bozo said...

So even though you stay clear of it now - for just that one night... was it worth it?

Mandy_Fish said...

Thank god you didn't do anything to embarrass yourself. I don't drink at company events but only so I don't embarrass myself (more than usual).

Adsila said...

OMG, I feel your pain. I have been there before but it didn't take 11-12 drinks to do it. Damn, I don't know how you were able to walk at all. I don't blame you to not do that again.....vertigo sucks!

Haven said...

I HATE the vertigo feeling. The first time I ever felt it I was trying to pass out in my bed and I felt like I was on a magic carpet. I distinctly remember thinking "Magic Carpet". But not the friendly helpful Alladin kind, no this was the 'let's help you empty your stomach from turbulence' kind.

Just Keepin It Real, Folks! said...

So is this why the vet bills and pet meds are so expensive??????? All of us pet owners are paying for the industry reps to get trashed on top notch liquor huh??????

D4 said...

Ahahaha I even feel bad for you. I say you let me fill in for you next time :D

Lisa said...

That sounds crazy. But I have to say that I appreciate your sheep-herder-ness.

And I'm with Mandy...thank goodness nothing terribly embarrassing happened.

Shutterbug said...

drinking alcohol is overrated...

Zyu said...

Never really a fan of alcohol, I'd much prefer soda.

Crack You Whip said...

Why did I think you were a potato farmer?

Lady Estrogen said...

I was going to say something clever but then that trippy shit gave me an intense flashback.

Thanks?

Brandon @ www.lostinidaho.me said...

A sort-of part 2:

The owner of the manufacturer company was there, hosting this shindig. He looked like he was matching us all, shot for shot. 3 years after this story, we become somewhat close, and he tells me a secret.

At the beginning of the night, he tipped our waiter $100, and said "My first drink will be alcoholic, but the rest will not. Make it look like I'm drinking with them, but it's water in my glass instead, ok?"

Dude was STONE COLD SOBER, while the rest of us were off our rocker. He saw, studied, and remembered EVERYTHING from that night.

He shared this story with me because I was the only one looking out for the well-being of others, and because I was the only one who showed up on time at the trade show the next day.

(granted, I was hung over for like a week, but I was on time, dammit...)

Youngman Brown said...

Damn that's crazy (re: part 2).

Either way, you should certainly feel free to drink at work functions, provided alcohol is being served.

Jira said...

Oops... there are some managers, etc who like to see how others react when they are drunk and with cell phone cameras, you're doomed!! LOL!

On My Soapbox said...

Not only do I not drink with work colleagues, I don't socialize with them, either. It's nothing but trouble. I keep work and personal separate. Just because I'm nice to you at work doesn't mean I'm your friend. I see you the majority of my waking hours. What makes you think I want to see you outside of work?!

Anthony said...

Interesting blog...

Leah said...

That's the absolute reason for me not drinking at work functions too. Been there, done it, and have the scars to provie it!

Thank, Q said...

Dude, your food and drinks were more than two months of my mortgage. You should have told the boss man to just give you cash for your drinks instead. LOL!

StephanieC said...

You and @On My Soapbox are wise.

I've screwed myself over so many times, and you would think that I would learn. But I do not.

One time I had my head on a plate during the last part of a working dinner because I had never been to a fancy restaurant where they keep refilling your wine glass.

Terrible.

Still feel embarassed.

*sigh*

Live and maybe? learn?

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