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4/17/12

Pushy Salesmen Lead To Innovation (and fun!)

I'm in Sales.

And I can't stand salesmen.

Let me rephrase... I can't stand people in sales position who have no idea what the fuck they're doing.

You see, when I visit my customers I build a relationship, help them grow their business overall, and then grow my slice of the pie.

In that order.  It's not quick, but it's highly effective.

If I came out the gate going "You need THIS AND THIS AND THIS ANDDON'TFORGETABOUT..." I would get nowhere.

Yet, when you walk around the mall, this is what you're bombarded with.

The girlfriend and I went shopping the other night, and we started playing a game.  It's called "how far can you get into the store before being harassed by an associate?"

...it's a working title...

We would vocalize the 'score' whenever we got asked, much to the confusion of the people working there.  We'd exclaim "3 feet!" or "12 feet!" depending on how far we would get.  If we made it to the back of the store uninterrupted, we would celebrate.

It was awesome.

Two stores really bothered me.  One was a major department store, where the old bat working the ladies' clothing section would verbally assault my girlfriend.  If she were looking at a pair of jeans, the associate would jump in, saying "you know those shoes over there would look great with those jeans.  So would this jacket, and let me go get you a blouse!"  I had to intervene and get my girl out of there, before that old lady got punched.

Next was a smaller store, but same attitude.  Instead of upselling clothes, it was the rewards program.  You give them your email, 20% off.  Phone number?  Another 10%.  If you sign over your soul (in blood, of course) you get an astounding 80% off!!

It inspired me to invent something you're going to LOVE.

I am working on creating a "Go the FUCK Away" hat to be worn while shopping.  If you don't want help, but get tired of saying "no thank you" a hundred times, this product is for you.

Expect a prototype version by early summer.

This hat will stand out, and have a polite message stating "don't bother me" to any salesman you encounter.  This hat can be worn in:

- A department store
- A car lot (highly recommended)
- A farmer's market (no, I DON'T want to sample your sausage, you dirty dirty man...)
- and many more places

And will convey its message in a 360-degree radius.  Even if they sneak up behind you, the message of "thanks but no thanks" will come across loudly.  Granted, this isn't a product designed to attract women, but I think it could be an interesting conversation starter...

Thoughts?  Would you buy one of these?  Tell your friends and share this post, as I may be looking for some Venture Capital...
Please Share it! :)

25 witty retorts:

Sonja said...

I hate shopping. I know, a girl who doesn't like shopping. Shock! But I hate it. During the Christmas season IF I have to go out and shop it is usually while wearing a plain white T-shirt that I have taken a sharpie marker to that says, "I will kill anyone who asks if they can help me find something." I don't get bothered a whole lot.

AccordingtoJewels said...

I don't tolerate pushy salespeople and have walked away from buying major commission purchases because of it (ie cars, entertainment systems, etc) and told the salesperson exactly why I was walking away. They should know that their sales tactics are causing them to actually lose money. I know what I want and don't need anyone else to tell me what I need. Well said!

Workingdan said...

I know what you mean and I hate it! I know what I want, I don't need your help!

I think the same concept can be applied to pushy waitresses. They either won't leave you alone or they are trying to rush you out the door!

Why is it they always come up to you, while your drinks are full mind you, and bug the shit out of you while you have a mouthful of food?

I just love it when they bring you the bill when you're not even done eating. I always order more drinks or dessert when they do that. Don't rush me while I'm out dining!

Zombie said...

Which is exactly why I do most of my shopping online.

Vanessa said...

Sign me up! Shopping sucks big and pushy sales ladies irritate the snot out of me.

Can I start a dressing room for you dear? Grrr.

Haven said...

Holy crap sales associates make me SO anxious. I can't stand it. I often have social anxiety and talking to strangers is a problem when I'm anxious. Malls especially make me want to punt small children so I'm anxious AND angry. No, really, just stay away. I don't want your help, I want you to leave me alone becaue I'm an adult and perfectly capable of making my own decisions. If I need help I'll ask. k, thanks.

Great idea.

Just Keepin It Real, Folks! said...

LOVE the hat!!! You are going to be the next billionaire just like the lady who invented Spanx.

J.Day said...

I'll take one. And one for each of my friends and family. It'll be their Christmas presents. Is there a bulk rate? Stores anymore have gotten so bad. Store management often pushes these tactics, but all it really does is annoy people. It's one thing when one person asks if "you need help with anything?" but when you wind up with 5 before you leave the store, there's something wrong.

Shockgrubz said...

I would wear this hat everywhere! I would add a little audio button to add a clearing the throat sound while pointing at the message. Great post, I will share.

Adsila said...

I have tweeted you. I would love to have a hat.

meandmythinkingcap said...

Always carry your pepper spray, rape whistles and air horn when do shopping in these places.
;-)

The Management said...

Sounds like a sweet idea to me! Only I don't like hats, so maybe try multiple accessories? ;)

Pickleope said...

I think this product already exists, the Beats By Dre headphones. Nothing says "I'm not interested in your oatmeal-textured verbal bullshit" quite like a huge pair of headphones.
Suggested name for your game: Store Whore (because it lets you see how far you can get in there before someone starts trying to pimp their wares). Eh, just spit-balling.

Sweety Darlin said...

I think the hat should begin with an aluminum foil coating. That will be a good starting point to keeping people away from you! If it could have a beer holder that would help too, but I don't think they will let you actually walk around with beer in your hat in the mall.

Jillian said...

As a Sales Associate myself, I WANT ONE!

Youngman Brown said...

I would totally wear it.

But I would also wear it to the bank. "No, I don't want to sign up for a different checking account, savings account, or credit card."

Victoria said...

I despise shopping! It's one of life's necessary evils though...
So when I'm forced to go and get it over with, this hat would be perfect!

Sub-Radar-Mike said...

The worst is when you're anywhere near a cellphone display... alright dudes, I know it's your job, but I don't need you to jump all over me if I glance at a Samsung.

D4 said...

I wouldn't buy one, but I'd definitely support the cause! Even if I want to buy what they're selling me, when they bombard me I end up leaving. If you want to make the sale, you better respect my space, mofo.

The Beans said...

Make a t-shirt version and knock off 80% to the people who sign their souls over in blood. ^.^

-Barb the French Bean

Random Girl said...

I usually call them straight out on it and ask "how much commission to you make off of item xyz? That usually makes it uncomfortable enough for them to understand that I'm not playing the game and will let them know if I need their assistance. Although the hat may help me from having to actually speak to them at all. I'll take 2 please.

Hey Monkey Butt said...

AGreed!! I really hate salesmen (no offence) would totally rawk that hat!!! :)

Thank, Q said...

I like challenging people in Best Buy. If they walk up to me in the HDTV section and ask to help, I tell them that I can name more features on a TV than they can. They usually look at me strange, but a guy did challenge me once and I humiliated him.

If you do design a hat, then make one with three titties on it and no one will ever say a word to you.

absenceofalternatives said...

I have the opposite of the problem: I don't look like I can afford things so the sales associates tend to ignore me. I become really uppity when that happens. I would seek them out and dare them to help me. I so wish I could pull the pretty woman shopping scene one day

Vanessa said...

Since it's the weekend and alcohol is involved I have to confess the first time I read this post I thought there was a penis on that hat. In my defense I was reading it on my phone without my glasses. Even with a penis, I would wear it while shopping if it meant people would leave me alone.

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