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St. Patrick's Day FAIL

St. Patrick's Day is quickly approaching.  Along with Mardi Gras and Cinco de Mayo, St. Paddy's is one of the holy trinity of drinking holidays.

And personally, it's my favorite.  Green beer galore, as well as beautiful women wearing 'kiss me, I'm Irish' shirts?  I'm there.

In anticipation for this event, I went to twitter to show my love for this March holiday, as well as show my apprehension.

You see, there are a lot of idiots out there who don't know what the official food is for St. Patrick's Day.

As you and I know, it's corned beef & cabbage.  'Corned' as in peppercorned brisket.  Too many people out there call it 'corn beef & cabbage,' even though I've never seen corn served with the meal...

So I post this on twitter:

And then find a dozen or so idiots that have already made the mistake:

My head hurts from the massive amounts of fail, but I move on and go to sleep.

Then, the very next morning, I see THIS downtown:

It's like the gods are mocking me...  The famous North Hiway cafe strikes again.  They're famous for having the sign that reads "Home cook'n when your not home cook'n" so I expect no less from them.

Oh well.  I'm going to go get a head of cabbage, a can of creamed corn and a hamburger patty.  I'm going to celebrate early, and do it fail-style.  Who else wants some corn beef & cabbage??


Insane Gasoline Prices? Who's to Blame?

I was in California last weekend, and was stunned to pay well over $4 per gallon of gas.  In some places, prices were getting very close to $5.

I asked one of my California friends about it, and their response floored me:

"Yeah, it's ridiculous, isn't it?  Thanks Obama..."

I pointed out that gas in Idaho is about $3.30 right now.

Utah is about $3.15.

I was in Sheridan, Wyoming earlier this week.

...want to guess what I filled up at?

No, go on, guess....


It's up a few cents today (I just pulled that screenshot off but gas was uber cheap.

So I looked in to why gas was so high in California.  It's because of their importing restrictions, 'clean gas' regulations and all of their odd refinery rules.

Sorry, my California friend... please don't blame the President for Cali's insane gas prices.  Your own state is doing that to itself, and has nobody else to blame.

But gas prices are indeed on the rise again nationwide.  This happens every time this year, as the snow starts to melt and more people start to travel.  It will dip again in September as it always does, with spikes here and there depending on what's going on in the Middle East.

Speculators name the price of oil, which raises the price at the pump.  The international market dictates the price of gasoline, and will continue to do so, even if we get 100% of our oil domestically.  It's an odd concept, but a lot of world economics is...

Futures and commodity pricing:  It's a bitch.  And if you don't understand it, you're going to be its bitch.

But for those that like to blame everything on President Obama, these are for you:

3 Super Bowl Wins under Bush - 0 under Obama.  Coincidence??

You know, if Romney won you would be able to shoot this dog with your AR-15...

God Bless America.


Guest Post: The Facebook Pledge (Amended)

I'm overwhelmed, so I'm asking people to fill the void while I drink myself stoopid and then attend rehab.  The first guest poster is the amazing Birdman from Change the Topic.  If you're not following him now, please change that.  You won't be disappointed.


Hello there. Brandon helped me out a few weeks ago when I was behind the proverbial eight ball, and when he mentioned that he was looking for guest posts to get him through a busy spot, I said I’d be glad to.

The truth is, I’m hurting for readers. I used to post angry rants about the church on my blog. Mostly the Catholic church, but any form of religion was/is fair game. I have mellowed a bit, and that has led the readers to angrier pastures.

Don’t get me wrong, I still want to ass rape hypocritical pedophiles with a blowtorch, but I haven’t been paying attention to how many diddling priests are out and about these days. I’m sure there are still a lot of them, I just haven’t been alerted to their shenanigans. It’s okay though, because I noticed that Brandon had posted this pledge to his Facebook fan page friends, and that got me going again.

I’m now going to dissect the pledge, because it’s easy and I might think of something funny to write about while I’m doing it. Let’s face facts; I’m a “just wing it” sort of guy.

I promise to refrain from shoving my religious or political ideologies down your throat seven times a day.

I do too, but if I think your views are even remotely hateful, hurtful, condescending, or otherwise assholish, I will let you know my beliefs a little more often than seven times in a day.

eg: Dave seems like a nice guy, but he’s a dirty Papist and I’m Pentecostal, a true Christian. I wish we could stone his ass to death.

I promise to respect your opinions, even if they differ from mine.

For the most part. If your opinions trample on someone else’s rights, freedoms, or well being, be it mental, physical, and/or emotional, and you make this known, then I will no longer respect your opinions. Just because an opinion is yours or mine, doesn’t make it right, so if you respect others, I will respect you.

eg: “Gays should be put to death. They are an abomination in the eyes of the Lord!”

I promise not to block or unfriend you simply for being an Atheist, a Christian, a Mormon, or even a Scientologist.

I will block you if you are a Scientologist. Only because you fuckers are crazy and you jump on Oprah’s couch. Crazy fuckers.


I pledge to be snarky and sarcastic, but not an asshole. 

No, I pledge to be snarky, sarcastic, and an asshole. Not always, but you should expect it.

There you have it. My feeble attempt at a post. Brandon told me that anything goes, except for porn and nudity, so I hope this might sneak by the censors.

If that didn’t make it, then piss, fuck, cocksucker.



Be My Guest

Between my day job and my personal life, I am SWAMPED right now.  I feel more behind now than I have in years.

But don't worry, it's mostly in good ways.

I'm overwhelmed and I need help.  If you would like to guest post for MOPI, feel free to hit me up.  You can email me at

I should be back to 'whelmed' in a week or so, so please bear with me until then.  Thank you all for your continued love and support!


Pet Food Recommendations from

I talk about Pet Food from time to time, because I have a passion for pet nutrition.  Hell, it's my day job, and I love what I do.

But most of my posts have been in a negative tone:

I've railed against Science Diet and brainwashed veterinarians.

I've made fun of Beneful and their junk-food in a bag.  (Tortilla chips and vitamins?  NOT food!)

Every time I do a post like that, people ask me:  "Ok, don't feed this.  Don't feed that.  Well, Mr. Nutrition Expert, what SHOULD I feed?"

To be honest, if you go into your local independent pet shop (Not Petco, Not Petsmart.  Joe's Pet Palace, and places like that) you really can't go wrong.  There are a lot of super-premium foods out there and most pet stores are knowledgeable enough to tell you the right fit for your pet.

If you want to feed the best of the best, look into raw pet foods.  They're extremely expensive, but the most natural and bio-available diet for your animal.  However, my recommendation here is going to be for the majority of us that want super-good, but not super-expensive.

If I have to recommend one brand of food above all others, I am going to choose Dr. Tim's Pet Foods.  This is still unknown in some areas and can be hard to find, but a lot of online retailers sell this food.

(Give it another 12-18 months, and it will be everywhere.  It's that good, and I have a feeling it's about to get the industry recognition it deserves.)

Dr. Tim Hunt is a veterinarian and a dog-sledder.  He is a raw food advocate, but it's tough to feed raw meat at 10 below zero.  He designed his own petfood at home, using a cement mixer and a lot of knowledge.  The company is still run by the doc, and he still practices veterinary medicine in Michigan.

Best of all, he interacts with his customers.  Twice a week, you can ask Dr. Tim questions on the company Facebook page.  Instead of dealing with a Marketing or PR person like most food companies, you get the man himself!

There are currently 4 formulations of dog food:  Momentum (the super-high-energy sled dog formula), Pursuit (high-energy, but not as much as Momentum), and Kinesis (all life stages, for most dogs) in both a grain and grain-free formula.  There is also one formulation for cat food, called Chase.  In Dr. Tim's words, he basically ground up a mouse and tried to mimic that in a cat food.  (I love that story)

The ingredients are top-notch.  The vitamin premix he uses was specially designed for his foods.  On average, 87% of the protein in the foods are derived from high-quality, low-ash animal protein (which is AWESOME!  Pets thrive on meat-protein more than plant-based protein, ESPECIALLY CATS).  ALL ingredients are sourced in either North America or Europe.  His standards are insanely high.  Even independent rating websites like dogfoodadvisor and dogfoodchat give this food stellar marks, often times higher than bags of food that can cost $20-30+ more.

Speaking of price, it's not too expensive.  If you feed Kinesis to a medium-sized dog, it'll cost you about $1 a day.  The 'mainstream premium' foods you would find in Petco, Petsmart or Grocery can be 25 to 50 cents more per day, at a MUCH lower quality.  (And unlike other 'top-tier' pet foods at independent pet stores, this bag will not cost you $70/80/90 or higher!)

With a good food at a good price, you also get good service from the top down.  If you email the company or ask a question on Facebook, you get an answer.  Often times from Dr. Tim.  He also does informative videos (example:  Why do dogs eat cat poop?) about nutrition and overall pet health.

I love what I do, and love to help keep pets happy and healthy.  I get that vibe from him.  It's a good company, good food, and a good price.  Currently, I don't sell Dr. Tim's (and he's not paying me to say this), so please treat this as an unbiased opinion, but if it's good enough for the current Iditarod Champion, it's good enough for me.

And now you know.  With luck, this will be at your local pet shop soon enough (if it isn't already).  In the meantime, there are plenty of online retailers to choose from that will deliver directly to your door.  I hope this helps, and as always, please let me know if you have any other questions or feedback.


Local Business Spotlight: Rumbi is Dumbi

There is an 'island theme' restaurant chain in Idaho and Utah called Rumbi Island Grill.

What is island food?  Well you know, food served on the islands.  Hawaii, Bahamas, Jamaica, Polynesian areas, etc etc. Not just one island... all of them...

Anyway, Rumbi is basically a casual ricebowl and 'tropical' salad restaurant.  It's a la carte, and they gouge you up the ass with drinks.  A rice bowl dinner for two tops $20 most nights, and it's not really worth the price.

But that's not my rant.

My girlfriend likes this place, so we go.  Rumbi is running a special on the thing she likes.  Normally it's $8 for the entree and another $2 for the drink.  Tonight, it's $6.95 for both.

They still charge us full price.  Luckily, they take 25 minutes to serve us (even though the place was nearly empty) so I had plenty of time to catch the error.

I go back to the counter and point out the mistake  I'd like the $3 difference back.

...this takes two employees EIGHT minutes to figure out how to do it.

...yes, I timed them.  I did it more to make them sweat than for the three bucks.

Service was incredibly slow, their collective knowledge was laughable, and shortly after they served us, they had to inform other customers that 'oops' they ran out of rice.

Two hours before closing... a ricebowl restaurant... runs out of rice...


I just don't like the place.  They advertise on local radio stations, and the cadence of the narrator is seriously fucked up.

(paraphrasing here)  "You always get great food at Rumbi ... (awkward pause)  ...Island Grill."

"We don't just have fries, we have ... (pause) ...Sweet Potato fries!  RUMBI FRIES!  ... (pause again) Rumbi Island Grill..."

It's to the point where my girlfriend and I mock the pauses.  If something is ridiculously stupid, it's 'pause pause Island Grill.'

If you're in Utah or Idaho, avoid this place.  It's overpriced, the service is poor, and just plain dumb.  That is, unless you like being entertained by the goofiness...

...of Rumbi... Island Grill...


We're Back in the Future


Hey guys!

Did you know that this week was when Marty McFly traveled to the future?


Where's my hoverboard?

Where's my flying car?

Where's my...

...wait, what?

Yes I did watch the movie...

2015?  Are you sure?


Wait a second...

But then...

...why does?


These pictures seem to pop up more and more these days, and always get hundreds of likes and +1's before people realize the photoshoppiness of the picture.

If anything, I think this is all an elaborate ploy to make us all watch the Back to the Future trilogy again.

So, after a quick google images search, how many of these fabricated 'future' pictures did I find?

More than you'd think:

Are people THAT desperate for hoverboards and another half-dozen Jaws sequels??

Two and a half more years, people.  We have two and a half more years.  Then we can all have our precious hoverboards.


I Am A Musician Without Musical Talent

In the 4th grade, I was eligible for the music program.  I chose Trumpet, my parents chose flute.

I learned to love it.

Fast forward 10 years, I'm in college, a Music Major, and learning the finer points of musicianship.  Composition.  Arranging.   Transposition.

I was good at my instrument, but I was quickly becoming more and more of a 'musician' instead of just a 'flutist.'

I loved every bit of it, until I had to learn other instruments.  You can't write for an orchestra unless you know the orchestra, right?

Woodwinds were easy.  Brass was stupidly simple.  Strings were ok, but not too difficult.

...then came piano.

For the life of me, I just couldn't master the piano.

I was a virtuoso on the left hand.  Or the right.  But combined - both hands at once - the best I could muster was 'Chopsticks.'

I failed my first piano class, because I couldn't master playing basic scales on both hands.

I tried the class again, and took piano lessons at the same time.  I would not be beat.

But beat I was, again and again.  I just couldn't do it.  And if you can't do it, you can't graduate.

I did everything else with style, bravado and humor.  I arranged the music from Super Mario Bros for a 60 piece wind ensemble, and had everyone laughing out of their chairs.  I was a soloist on more than one instrument.

But the piano made me its bitch.  Those 88 keys owned me.

These days, I still play my flute from time to time.  I scratch down some notes on paper from time to time, and I'd like to start writing more often.  To work out chords and key modulations, a piano would come in handy... but I'm afraid...  If I own a piano, I'll want to conquer it.

Congrats to the Baltimore Ravens

Super Bowl 47 went from a dull blowout, to a blackout, to a shootout in no time flat.  Congrats to the Baltimore Ravens for winning the game.

And congrats to the refs for keeping your flags in your pants for most of the game.  SO MANY BLOWN CALLS, on both sides of the ball.

I decided to live-tweet the game, the commercials and the fun.  If you'd like to read my 150+ tweets of absolute madness, you can go here.

There are a few good gems in there.  I got more retweets and stars during the Super Bowl than I did all of 2012...

And now, as a Carolina Panthers fan, I look forward to the 2013 Draft, the next season, and the dream of an NFC South title.


POTUS with a Gun = Photoshop Fun!

In case you missed it, President Obama recently tried to relate to gun laws, mentioning he shoots skeet from time to time.

News stations and conservatives everywhere demanded proof.  "Where are the pictures?"  After a day or so, the White House released a photo from early 2012, showing President Obama with a shotgun.

Conservatives, never happy, started picking apart the picture.  His stance, his grip, is the smoke photoshopped?  Why is he almost level?

Conversely, the White House apparently issued a statement saying "This official White House photograph is being made available only for publication by news organizations and/or for personal use printing by the subject(s) of the photograph. The photograph may not be manipulated in any way and may not be used in commercial or political materials, advertisements, emails, products, promotions that in any way suggests approval or endorsement of the President, the First Family, or the White House."

The internet's response?  DON'T TELL US WHAT TO DO!

Imgur, reddit and 4chan started creating shopped Obama images in droves.  Some offensive, some hilarious.

Okay, most of the 4chan ones were offensive, but no surprise there.

So... FBI.  I didn't do any of these, so don't hang me up by the balls.  But come on.  Fuck off.  This is funny...

Here is a shortlist of my favorites that have popped up so far:

Politically, I think it's stupid that the President has to prove himself before critics on a regular basis.  "Go out and jog, it's good for you!"  "Well, do YOU jog?  Let's see you in a tracksuit!" and so on.  

Why can he only talk about gun legislation if he himself is a gun owner and gun enthusiast?

Does that mean he can't consider marriage equality unless he becomes gay?

Or talk about marijuana reform unless he blazes up from time to time?

Don't talk about immigration unless you're Hecho en Mexico...

But politics is politics, and if the idiots demand you jump through your little hoop, jump you must...  Oh well.

That being said, I'd rather go out hunting with Obama than I would with Dick Cheney...